fragmented.ME …
journal ...

lockdown … ending / changing …

In the UK, lockdown is ending / changing …

But, I must point out …

… lockdown is not easing or not ending for everyone …

Today is the 12th April 2021, and lockdown in the UK is easing. I’ve no idea everything that is now actually allowed but some of the things now allowed are; hair & beauty salons are open, restaurants with eating outside, all shops for clothes etc.

This is really good news.

Good news for the economy.

Good news for the people.

And the best news is that the UK has got their case rates down and their death rates are excellent now, averaging at around 36 deaths daily (within 28 days of a positive coronavirus test). I am not being complacent here, I know that any death is unwanted, and awfully sad, but by comparison to some of our worse days, when over 1500 people daily lost their lives to coronavirus, these recent death figures are something to be celebrated.

back to lockdown …

Yet, for some of us, those for whom lockdown doesn’t end, this easing and aiming to get back to ‘normal’ has been triggering to say the least. Myself included.

   . . .   m y   l o c k d o w n   . . .   
   … hasn’t ended …   … it just goes on …   

let me tell you something …

I am going to tell you something that you may or may not already know, especially if you are a healthy and well person reading this. Lockdown for some people didn’t begin in March 2021, it began years before the actual coronavirus lockdown and it sadly won’t end for some when it ends for the majority. In reality, it may not end for a long time or maybe not even ever for some of us.

Some people are so sick that their whole life is lockdown and has been for many years. They don’t go anywhere except for medical appointments. And for some of the very sickest, they don’t even get to go to medical appointments. They either neglect their health, or if by some miracle they are lucky enough to have a good doctor they will get home visits when they are extra sick.

my lockdown …

Since getting sick in 1984 my life changed dramatically. Yet, what I live today is a shadow of my 1984 sickness levels.

Initially, well after a few months in hospital, getting sick just brought me mild symptoms. These were apparent whenever I tried to keep up with my peers or wanted / needed to sustain doing things. For instance, I couldn’t do as much, walk as far, had plenty of crashes after cleaning my house. But at this stage, days of rest before and after and even in between the event brought me back to the 1984 poorly state (not great but better than I could have ever imaged at the time).

Then my illness progressed to a state that in order to get through the week of getting my son to and from school I would need every weekend in bed and sometimes I would have to go back to bed after taking him to school. As grim as this was, I still coped. I coped with the extra pain, the extra migraines and the doing of less than I was. I planned very well and managed to live a kind of life.

However, over the years, especially from around 2000 till 2015 I just got worse and worse and I seemed to always be cancelling plans, and going from one migraine into another. I didn’t have a life beyond care of others. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything above and beyond this. I couldn’t even work part time any longer.

Then in 2015, …

w h a m …

The illness just went to another stage all together. Just like that … I couldn’t do a thing. Even sitting in the car gave me a massive migraine the following day. And so since that time I can honestly say I’ve been housebound. And now in 2021, in reality I’m bedridden. I do try to get up and lay on the settee instead of the bed. But, that’s just geography.

I do try to get up, most days, and lay on the settee instead of in bed … but in reality that’s just geography … I’m pretty much bedridden now …

triggering …

Lockdown changing and even ending is triggering for the chronically sick community. As selfish as it may seem when everyone was in lockdown we were in this together.

We felt less alone.

We saw changes, that we welcomed, but ones that we’d previously requested and been told, ‘NOT POSSIBLE’.

Changes to allow life to continue were made and we welcomed them so much.

CHANGES such as …

    • telephone appointments (medical or otherwise)
    • video appointments (medical or otherwise)
    • prescription deliveries for all
    • working from home
    • remote learning (although the open university has always had this available, it’s how I did my honours degree)
    • entertainments online
    • wellness & mental health resources / appointments available online
    • remote worshipping
    • other accommodations

You will see now why this might be a very triggering time for us.

questions …

We have so many questions around everything going back to normal.

What will these reverts mean for us?

Will all those allowances, like GP video / telephone calls, prescription deliveries, working from home, will they end. Will they now be deemed no longer possible because the masses don’t need them?

scary times …

I personally feel especially sad and kind of anxious about these changes.

Since March 2020 my husband has been working from home and this has made a huge difference to me.

Most days he has made the bed, which has saved me using energy I don’t actually have.

Every single day he has prepared the food for tea.

He presently prepares his own salad, which when I was doing this every day made me so poorly. I would have to do it in stages and make enough for two nights each time I did it. (He likes a salad with most of his meals). And preparing even the simplest of meals for me was a monumental task taking insurmountable energy. Energy I again didn’t have. Resulting in my getting sicker by the day and having plenty of migraines.

My husband working from home has meant he has almost 3 hours a day more. And so it has meant that these jobs can be done by him without any extra effort, he just diverts the time and energy he use to use in driving to and from work into the home. And I value that so much.

I now fear what will happen when he has to spend this time daily commuting to and from work again.

Will I have to push myself to do these chores again?

Can I actually do them?

I think not!

If, because of or on the grounds of my illness, he could be permitted to continue to work from home it would be really compassionate of his employer and the government. It would also give him almost 3 hours extra in his day to do caring as well as stuff in the home, to do the stuff I cannot do. This would made a huge difference to me and to him because it’s looking more and more like I won’t be able to resume responsibility for any of these roles at present.

pay attention to this …

so when you’re celebrating
and maybe asking others
what they’re doing 
now lockdown is changing
or even ending


for some
lockdown hasn’t ended
lockdown is their life
what you have endured for a year
they have endured, plus so much more, for many years
and may continue to do so for many years to come

in summary & in conclusion …

Taking all of the above into account, it is pretty obvious why those with chronic illness are maybe being triggered by the easing of lockdown and the idea of completely ending lockdown.

If companies and the government don’t continue with all of the things that have been put in place so that people who need to can carry on throughout their own personal lockdowns then we the already disadvantaged sick could be going back to worse conditions than the healthy and well experienced as their lockdown.

a personal concluding note …

Please be kind and compassionate if you meet anyone who might not feel happy about or be celebrating the easing of lockdown. You really don’t know their reasons why. They might not even be anything I have mentioned above. Everyone of us is different. Whatever, their reasons, they will be perfectly valid reasons.

[su_quote cite=”miranda hart …”]chronic illness doesn’t have an end date …[/su_quote]

Please feel free to contact me to share your outcomes or with any questions you may have.

 fragmented.ME xXx

My birth name is Denise, but I’m know as Bella to those who love me. I have a first class honours degree in education & psychology and a strong passion to keep learning and educating others ... I have severe ME/CFS and lots of other chronic illnesses and I started this blog as an expansion to my instagram page, where I advocate for chronic illness. I am married and have two grown up boys, or should I say young men. I have three gorgeous grandchildren, one boy and two girls. And despite being chronically sick and housebound I am mostly happy. 🥰