fragmented.ME …
catch up ...

catch up august 2022 …

Catch Up August 2022 …

Another month of being severely poorly has gone by and now I find myself in August equally as sick as I was in late June and all of July and it just doesn’t seem to be coming to an end.

Welcome to the world of living with ME …

I will aim to write a little something about this below in order to keep you updated. But, if I cannot manage this please understand how poorly I am to not be able to do this for you.

Don’t forget whenever you see MiA … it means I have been unable to journal anything on that day due to serious illness or just because I was unable to do anything, except keep my head above water, on that particular day.

What’s New …

I am so poorly that I cannot do anything … absolutely nothing …

I have been very scared that I may be dying and so being the kind of person that I am I have wanted to prepare myself. As part of that preparation, I have listened, over and over, to the audio book version of the book ‘with the end in mind’. The first time I listened to it, I was sure I was dying, the second time I listened with less surety, and after that I listened with a much more open acceptance of not knowing anything for sure.

I can wholeheartedly recommend the book to everyone to read. On my first listen all of it made me anxious. Yet, on subsequent reads only parts made me anxious. And now, after having listened to it several times, on the whole I feel prepared for the inevitable. This is not to imply that I know I am dying any time soon, even if that’s how I felt many times during July 2022, it is just to affirm that we are all dying and I feel better ready for it, or to accept that I don’t really get a say in it, than I did two months ago.

The above said, I will continue my delving into death and dying through other books, audios, and writings and should anything help and / or enlighten me I will share it here in the journal pages of my fragmented.ME life …

What’s Important …

Acceptance of the here and now is so important …

Diary (August 2022)

1st

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I am living a life I really don’t want … it’s not just the being poorly, it is the being so alone with it all. I have had to let go of most of my standards and although I’m married almost 30 years it’s as though my standards have never been acknowledged and now it’s a case of ‘if I’m doing it, you’ll have it my way, eat what I eat, live like I live, except I’ll iron my clothes but not yours’ …

I am feeling pretty much devastated by the life I’ve got, it’s no different to the life I had as a child …

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I came on today to apologise … I am so sorry to those who come to my blog regularly for update … I am sorry there have been none …

I will try to do better 😳 …

It’s not like I’ve been doing things and leaving you out. I literally go from my bed to the settee with the odd vertical episode for toilet / drinks / and small buts of foods.

That’s it …

That is my life and I mostly feel just too poorly to share this. That said, I really will try to do better and offer a daily entry again.

🤍 Thank You 🤍

… for sticking with me …

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 fragmented.ME xXx

My birth name is Denise, but I’m know as Bella to those who love me. I have a first class honours degree in education & psychology and a strong passion to keep learning and educating others ... I have severe ME/CFS and lots of other chronic illnesses and I started this blog as an expansion to my instagram page, where I advocate for chronic illness. I am married and have two grown up boys, or should I say young men. I have three gorgeous grandchildren, one boy and two girls. And despite being chronically sick and housebound I am mostly happy. 🥰