catch up : 01.11.2021 …

Fortnightly Catch Up 01.11.2021 …

Too poorly to function …

Too poorly to try …

I am just too utterly unwell …

* Don’t forget whenever you see MiA … it means I have been unable to journal anything on that day due to serious illness or just because I was unable to do anything, except keep my head above water, on that particular day.

What’s New …

I am actually getting sicker …

What’s Important …

Please, please, know that when I fail to update my blog that I am truly truly sick … sicker than you can ever imagine …

this blog is my lifeline to feeling connected and so when I miss it’s because I am as good as dead …

Diary (18.10.2021-31.10.2021) …

Monday …

MiA …

I cannot even speak …

am I dying …

Tuesday …

MiA …

Wednesday …

MiA …

Best news in a while … NICE will publish the new ME/CFS guidelines …

post to follow soon …

Thursday …

MiA …

Friday …

MiA …

I am alive but paying dearly for my very much needed bath & hair wash on Wednesday  … I see I didn’t up date you but I thought I had … I am loosing days at a time to this awful illness …

Saturday …

MiA …

Still unable to function.

I am also struggling with home tensions. I know how hard it can be to feel like you do everything, without support and on more than one occasion, when I’ve felt like this, I’ve threaten to leave. But, this feels different. Obviously, because I’m on the receiving end, it has to be different. But, also because there’s no outright verbal communication happening. It’s all subtle passive aggressive behaviours and some not so subtle banging and awful uncomfortable feeling.

If someone won’t talk to me and explain or express their feelings I cannot help. I will also add, you don’t do anything direct or personal for me and every single thing you do now you will still do when I’m dead. Heaven forbid if you should die first …

So, as well as serious ME issues I also feel over burdened and weighed down with relationship stresses too.

it’s simply too much for me right now …

Sunday …

MiA …

ECHO CHAMBER …

an environment in which a person encounters only beliefs or opinions that coincide with their own, so that their existing views are reinforced and alternative ideas are not considered.
“people are living in partisan and ideological echo chambers”

I am living in an empty echo chamber, where nothing I say gets heard, it simply comes back to me or ME, whichever, I am alone …

Monday …

MiA …

I really have no idea what’s going on. I’m guessing I’m in severe PEM and until I have rested and recovered enough I am going to be this poorly.

Maybe this is my new normal … deterioration again …

Tuesday …

MiA …

every day he asks me how are you doing … and everyday I reply still ill, pretty crap, like I’m dying, awful, a bit better than yesterday but still too poorly … I find it exhausting …

so today, I am better than last night but totally exhausted and unwell with something extra than ME (I think) …

Wednesday …

MiA …

today has been extremely scary … I had, and still do have, severe chest pain that’s making me feel sick … I’ve been unable to eat a thing all day … I think it’s costochondritis, or at least I hope it is and not heart attack …

Thursday …

MiA …

I survived so it must have been costochondritis and I had other related symptoms through the night too …

still super unwell but alive …

Cumbria is flooded again, will post images soon …

Friday …

MiA …

My chest pain is back … full on … I cannot explain how I feel it’s just too much …

NICE have published … read my post …

Saturday …

MiA …

another day in abject inability to do ‘a’ thing … this is becoming too much …

…

Sunday …

MiA …

wrote a letter to my GP yesterday and today I’ve been extremely severe …

…

 fragmented.ME xXx