fragmented.ME …
reflections & ramblings ...

reflections & ramblings : 27.03.2021

reflections & ramblings : 27.03.2021

OH (they say ever so shocked) … OH you’re not having the vaccine …

This post is borne out of being criticised by so many people regarding the fact that I have decided not to have the Covid vaccine.

Conversely, I am myself extremely shocked that so many people feel free enough to judge me on my personal decision!

yes, actually, in case you didn’t realise, it is my personal decision …

the judgement hurts because …

I have severe ME.

My symptoms are so bad that most days I wonder if I am dying and if I will wake the next day.

Those who know me, and see this, might use it as an argument ‘for’ me to have the vaccine. But, I expect they might also understand my reluctance too.

Those who don’t know me, and still have an opinion, have no right to have an opinion on my personal choices nor do they have legitimate right to make comment.

Regardless, I am using these reasons, being so sick every single day, as part of my argument and reason, ‘against’ having the vaccine, for me anyway.

not intrinsically against the vaccine …

Let me point out here that I am not anti-vaccine. Vaccines are great and when fully researched and tested are a force to be reckoned with.

Still, as regards the Covid vaccine, I feel there has not been enough research and testing into this vaccine, especially longevity studies. And in the research data not one person with ME, either severe, moderate, or mild, was included.

Another fact that keeps popping into my head is, the soonest a vaccine has previously been released on to the general public is four years and this was classed as an emergency release too. Yet, the covid vaccine has been let loose in under 12 months, less than a year.

you have a responsibility …

People are also arguing the point that I have a responsibility. That I owe it to others to protect them. Which is a flawed idea on so many levels. Mainly, that having the vaccine does not stop me catching or or passing it on. And so, please use your thinking ability when you make judgments regarding responsibility.

my responsibility …

The way I see it is I have a responsibility to me, and to me only.

Not one of you critics, even nobody, had ever helped or provided relief as regards my illness and symptoms. And it makes me so angry that they now feel they can call me out on a decision that they neither care why I made it or know enough about my illness or my daily sufferings.

Writing about this brings me anxiety, at the fear of confrontations that may come from this post, and also anger at the audacity of people.

I T   H U R T S   L O T S   . . . and really it’s not your business …

I know ME & me best …

Firstly, and most importantly, I know me best! I know where I am with my ME and how I respond to certain things. I know how I feel each day. And I know what extra I can cope with.

And, it isn’t really for anyone else to make that call for me, until I am unable to make it for myself.

take note*
THIS  IS MY PERSONAL CHOICE
NOT YOURS …

my history with vaccines …

Not that I should have to, nor do I feel required to, but I’d like to tell you about the last vaccination I had.

It was around 1990, I had an accident. I cut my hand open, quite badly, on a glass coffee jar. It was bad. The muscle in my thumb on the palm side of my hand was severed and popping out. I obviously needed stitches. But, I also needed a tetanus injection.

At the time, I was only mildly ill with ME and I was undiagnosed too but I was having investigations for all kinds of illnesses. I didn’t even consider if I should or shouldn’t have the tetanus vaccine. I just had it. It was needed and I trusted it was the right thing too.

Still, the tetanus injection made me ill for weeks. Within 12 hours I was laid up in bed and felt like I had a major flu. It took a long time for me to recover to my previous energy / health level, if I actually ever did. And I vowed then I would have to be seriously ill, maybe even unconscious, before I would have another vaccination against anything.

Before you assume, learn the facts.
Before you judge, understand why.
Before you hurt someone, feel.
Before you speak, think.

did I ask for your opinion …

Above all, I have to point out that I did not ask for your opinion and I have not made any judgement on your decision to take the vaccine. So why do you feel that you have the right to attack me with your opinions and ideas?

To offer a man [or woman] unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do it on his own.
John Gray …

it hurts …

You know, it’s hurts to have people question me, especially when the basis for my decision is my illness. An illness, that most don’t even care I have. An illness, that means I have not left the house in years except for emergencies and medical appointments. An illness, that means I am bed bound on a weekly basis for best part of three to four days.

It hurts, even more, to have to address it.

the lockdown you have endured for just over 12 months I’ve endured for years and will still be enduring it when you are out living your life again, after all lockdowns are ended …

I am so sad at …

N O T  being able to D O  A N Y T H I N G  …

N O T  being able to G O  A N Y W H E R E …

I can’t even take care of myself on a personal level like I’d like to. This is so much more than you have a responsibility, you owe it to …

I can’t find the words to express how I feel or how this made me feel. That said,  …

I really felt like I had no choice but to write about it …

to get it out …

Conclusions …

be careful with your words

once they are said

they cannot be taken back

and you really have no idea how uncalled for they are or how they may affect someone

… you cannot take back those words you let out …

… a person’s tongue can give you a taste of their heart …

And, when we have more data on the long term effects of the vaccine, or if I ever recover to mild or much less severe, then I will decide my next step at that time …

 fragmented.ME xXx

My birth name is Denise, but I’m know as Bella to those who love me. I have a first class honours degree in education & psychology and a strong passion to keep learning and educating others ... I have severe ME/CFS and lots of other chronic illnesses and I started this blog as an expansion to my instagram page, where I advocate for chronic illness. I am married and have two grown up boys, or should I say young men. I have three gorgeous grandchildren, one boy and two girls. And despite being chronically sick and housebound I am mostly happy. 🥰