uncovering ME : how others see you …

I have started a 52 week course with Daily OM called A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self and I hope you will join me by reading the posts that are born from this course.

They can be found under the mind * body * soul category as a subcategory entitled ‘uncovering ME …’.

I have wanted to write my own story for such a long time and I have never done it. The reason for this I am sure will be discovered and discussed through the 52 posts to follow.

So please join me …

. . . uncovering ME . . .
. . .  how others see you  . . .

introduction …

I will be using this space to free write and post my unedited thoughts, words, and scribbles. So, I am sure there may be errors that appear in the text. I do not need you to tell me about these errors as this will all be part of the process and I hope you can look past this.

how others see you …

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to see yourself through another person’s eyes? I’m not talking about physical traits necessarily, but more in the sense of how we portray ourselves in the world.

It can also be interesting to think about how you see others. What thoughts does your mind jump to when you see how others present themselves? Do you assume others are thinking the same types of things about you?

This is true both for our own opinions and for the opinions of everyone around us. Of course, the interesting (and sometimes tricky!) thing, is that every person on earth has different values and a different perspective. It can be eye opening to take some time to consider where other people are coming from and what life experiences may have brought them to that space.

This week’s topic is not meant for you to look negatively on yourself in any way, and I’m definitely not suggesting you go down the slippery slope of comparison — I am a firm believer that your journey is your journey, and no one else’s. Instead, what I’d like you to think about is how you’d like to show up in the world, and perhaps how that might be the same or different from how you feel you’ve shown up in the past.

Questions/Prompts to Guide Your Writing:

think of a time when you got home from a group event and felt as though you presented yourself in a less than stellar way (maybe you succumbed to some unintentional gossip that you weren’t proud to partake in, etc.) …

write about why you think you may have gone down that road …

I never ever get along in large groups. Too many people intimidate me.

I am brilliant on a one to one … but groups floor me …

if someone made a movie of your life, how would you be portrayed …

what kind of actor would the director be looking for … do you think the movie would be a fair portrayal of your life …

I expect I would be portrayed as an enigma. Sometimes weak and abused., while others times strong, powerful and maybe even the slight abuser. The director would definitely need an actress who can play real true life ups and downs along with devastations and heartbreak and severe illness … they would have to be very multifaceted.

think about the last time you made a judgment about someone …

this can be small, such as an outfit you weren’t fond of, or something larger like a generalization about someone who was different than you … where do you think the thought came from (mine your past for clues) … now try to understand that person’s point of view — put yourself in their shoes if you can … when you really explore the thought, do you think your opinion is the only “correct” one … why or why not …

I really do try no to make judgements and I think most people would say I’m a very accepting person. I’ve had such a hit in my life I’ve learned that no one knows unless they’ve walked in your shoes … and you are so unique no one has ever had your life …

do you prefer to present a “highlight reel” on your social media accounts, or are you more neutral …

why …

My social media is for advocating for ME, migraine, fibromyalgia and other chronic illness with occasional humorous or quirky quote. Never ever post images of myself or stuff I do.

do people sometimes seem to misread your intentions …

if so, why do you think that might be …

Only my husband … no one else ever has …

what makes a person look interesting in your eyes …

how about success …

The life they’ve had … be it fast or slow paced p everyone has their story and everyone’s story is interesting too.

how awesome are you …

serious question! list all the things, big and small, that you love about yourself …

Note: try not to make this about what you’ve attained or achieved … think about it more in terms of traits (confidence, wisdom, kindness, a certain chill factor, etc.) …

I am …

• • kind
  • experienced
  • very experienced in suffering and acceptance
  • empathic
  • non judgemental
  • alive (even though I’m very sick)
  • I know pain
  • I genuinely care
  •  …

…

… without health, life is not life; …
… it is only a state of languor …
… and suffering-an image of death …
… François Rabelais …

in summary & in conclusion …

I feel I must bring this idea of how others see me right into my reality today and so the essay maybe a little off what is expected but it’s how it triggered me.

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The Essay : how others see you …

ME, me & him (him could well be you, and hopefully as you read this you will use your insight and ask yourself have you ever felt, thought or even been like him).

“ME/CFS is a serious, chronic, complex, and multisystem disease that frequently and dramatically limits the activities of affected patients.” — Institute of Medicine 2015

“The physical symptoms can be as disabling as multiple sclerosis, systemic lupus erythematosus, rheumatoid arthritis, congestive heart failure and other chronic conditions.” — National Institute Health & Care Excellence (NICE) 2007

Before, when I wasn’t severe but was maybe at the poor end of mild or the beginning of moderate I could hide my illness to most outsiders and even disguise it to those who knew me as just another migraine. Which feels super shocking to me now.

Why would I feel the need to do this?

But hey, this is what I did. I am just being honest with you.

I would work part-time, claiming my job was just a hobby, push through pain, migraines and sickness to the point of even pretending I wasn’t in pain or suffering, and then leaving the job because I was too sick to fulfil the role and to carry on working whilst claiming that it was other necessary family commitments that were taking me away from the job.

When … Rest … Recovery … Acceptance … was what what I really needed.

Yet at this time, he (you) told me …

all you ever do is complain about how poorly you feel …

WTAF I thought I was hiding it … and hiding it well …

Just goes to show. Doesn’t it?

Bringing things up to today’s time and we have been in lockdown and he has been working from home for over one and a half years. You have now seen the real severity of my illness. The actual lived experience of it. I couldn’t hide it.

He now tells me …

I cannot believe how sick you’ve become …

WTAF I’ve always been this poorly … I was hiding it well even though previously I did voice how I felt … it fell on deaf ears and eyes I’m afraid …

So, whats the point of this share?

To highlight that I clearly do not, or am not able to, be seen in the way I actually am.

o r

He (you) only realised, or accepted, I was as sick as I was when he saw it with his own eyes. And, I only behaved, or looked, sick when I really could no longer pretend or disguise it.

… 😓 …

… the end …

Please feel free to contact me to share your outcomes or with any questions you may have.

 fragmented.ME xXx