fragmented.ME …
catch up ...

catch up : 12.07.2021 …

Fortnightly Catch Up 12.07.2021 …

Another fortnight has gone and WoW it is incredible to see a ‘so called’ healthy body, particularly of my husband, heal and be able to compare and acknowledge how severely poorly my body is.

I think it might be more appropriate to acknowledge that a healthy body wouldn’t get a 95% blockage in a main heart artery and so let’s reword that idea to … it is incredible to see a ‘working’ body heal …

Don’t forget whenever you see MiA … it means I have been unable to journal anything on that day due to serious illness or just because I was unable to do anything, except keep my head above water, on that particular day.

What’s New …

As regards my husband, things are almost (99,9%) back to normal.

As regards myself, things are much worse and I think my spirit is wounded as well.

What’s Important …

It is extremely important for me to accept that maybe my spirit is broken at the moment.

I have come face to face with how it would feel to loose my husband, my carer, but to also see how awfully treated I am because of the illness I have. To hear people exclaim maybe it’s her time to care for you now. This in and of itself is not a baddie if we are referring to someone who is healthy and well. However, I can see how much sicker I am than my husband. Yet, how much more is expected from me.

And also, most importantly and most sobering, is how people see things. How they see me as being looked after and ran around after, which I have to forcefully state no one runs around after me or takes care of me (not in the way I imagine that people mean when they say this, nor do I get taken care of in the same way as I took care of my husband, even when he was well, or in the way someone ought to take care of me considering my level of illness).

So, I believe it is extremely important for me to stand my ground as regards my value and worth. This will, hopefully, mean that I show up for me …

I would also like to point out here that getting dressed every day and wearing nice clothes is extremely important to me.

Today (29.06.2021), I had a discussion with my husband and when I spoke about wearing my clothes I actually broke down and sobbed.

I did also have another migraine at the time and so my emotions were already raw. But maybe they were simply on the surface.

Whatever the reason, it seems like something was triggered and I now realise, and accept, just how important my clothes are, and getting dressed is, to me.

Diary (28.06.2021-11.07.2021) …

Monday …

MiA …

I glanced out of the window and saw this beautiful sunset … I just had to share it with you …

28.06.2021 …

Tuesday …

MiA

woke with another migraine …

today would be my late mother’s birthday, and that in itself is enough to deal with without having a migraine as well …

my relationship with my mother was not the best … in fact it wasn’t too bad it was just a reversal of roles … and so I was mother and she was child (I am sure my younger sisters would argue otherwise), but this is my experience and it was true for me … she really did rely too heavily on me and she burdened me with her responsibilities way too often …

I do not want to go into detail right now but I will have to write about this and exorcise it …

Wednesday …

I feel a tad better today and I have decided I need a bit of a hobby. One that doesn’t drain me or make me stressed. And so, I am going to try a learn procreate using free online lessons. I cannot draw. I have never drawn so this will be fun and the images will probably be funny. I will add them here with a small description of what they are meant to be, in the corresponding fortnightly catch up day, whenever I complete any.

love balloon (procreate) …
love balloon (procreate) …

This the first thing I did.

It’s a very simple drawing.

When I post images of my creations I won’t be including links to the larger images of them as they are copyright and I do not give permission for them to be used and linking to the larger images might encourage people to believe they are for their use.

Thursday …

I have been doing a free procreate course and I have a few images that I’ve completed that I’m going to post tomorrow. I’m working on a watercolour floral image, which so far I’m quite pleased to say I can’t draw. However, I’m having to take a few days to do this because after I’ve done one section I feel rather exhausted and I know that if I push myself to finish it all and I’m not doing it so I want to enjoy this and so I’m doing it in batches however you will get to see the end result because I actually quite like this one.

… another day another migraine …

Friday …
my drawings 02.06.2021 (procreate) …
my drawings 02.06.2021 (procreate) …

Some of my other Procreate art pieces.

I know I am far from an artist but I’ve no idea what else to call it.

Calling it art feels good.

Saturday …

Had a much needed bath and hair wash.

Boy did I pay the price.

Sunday …

MiA

Monday …

MiA

watercolour flowers (procreate) …
watercolour flowers (procreate) …

I am having a really tough time of late.

I am getting sicker by the day. Plus, I am getting lower by the day too.

It also seems like the person I choose to spend all my life with is very intolerant of emotions, feelings, and my inability to cope and needs me to very much be a robot.

Tuesday …

MiA

if you are struggling and your people are just sitting there watching you struggle …
they are not your people …

Wednesday …

sensate …

I mentioned to you in a previous catch up about the Beurer ReleaZer. Sadly, after a few weeks use of mine has broken and because I bought it years ago so there is nothing I can do about it.

So, I decided to buy the sensate 2, which is a fraction of the size and almost twice the price of the releaZer device, but hopefully will last a lot longer and because I’m using it straight away I will have a two year guarantee.

Features And Benefits Of Sensate

sensate features …

Improve Heart Rate Variability – a key marker of overall health, including main body functions and longevity. Calm Your Nerves – increase stress resilience, optimise self-regulation, feel focused and more productive. Discover Better Sleep – deeper, longer sleep sessions, resulting in more refreshing and rejuvenating rest. Feel Better Now – nothing is needed except 10 minutes of your time, so let your body do the work for you. Reduce The Effects Of Stress – calm your fight, flight, freeze response without effort, training or experience. Boost Your Resilience – designed to improve general wellbeing and maximise your ability to cope with stress.

What’s in the Box

sensate … what’s in the box …

    • Sensate 2
    • Detachable lanyard
    • Eye mask
    • Case
    • Charging cord
    • User Guide
Thursday …

MiA

another migraine …

Friday …

MiA …

I am feeling very poorly again …

Saturday …

MiA

In desperation I have bought another health gadget.

ŌURA ring …

The ŌURA ring ($299 USD) … it will work out at about £250 when I’ve paid import taxes.

Your health journey starts with sleep. And a ring.

Ōura combines advanced sensor technology and a minimal design with an easy-to-use mobile app to deliver precise, personalized health insights straight from the most reliable source: your body.

ŌURA ring …

Day and night, Ōura helps you realize your potential through three simple scores: Readiness, Sleep, and Activity. While you’re awake, Ōura captures data that reflects your activity and movement. When you’re sleeping, Ōura captures meaningful data as nighttime is the best opportunity to get an accurate read on your overall health as your body is in a more consistent state.

ŌURA ring …

Readiness –  Ōura monitors your body’s signals, picks up on daily habits, and provides an overall measure of your recovery — signaling your capacity to perform at your mental, emotional, and physical best.
Sleep – Deep sleep, REM sleep, light sleep, sleep timing, and nightly heart rate insights help you understand your overall sleep quality and offers personalized bedtime guidance. Understand your sleep.
See your REM, deep, and light sleep insights, and wake up to a personalized Sleep Score each morning with Ōura’s unrivaled sleep monitoring.
Activity – With inactivity alerts, daily activity goals, and movement tracking, Ōura offers the complete package — helping you maintain a healthy balance of physical activity and recovery.

my dream ŌURA ring …

Will it help … who knows …

However, if it does make a difference, and becomes invaluable, then this beautiful version will become my future goal ($999 USD).

I do feel that I must try everything. Plus, reviews suggest it can help you predict the better days to push yourself and the days to ease back on.

So it has to be worth a try …

right …

well I feel I have to try …

I will write about my experiences once I have used it for a few weeks / months …

Sunday …

MiA

another migraine …

 fragmented.ME xXx

My birth name is Denise, but I’m know as Bella to those who love me. I have a first class honours degree in education & psychology and a strong passion to keep learning and educating others ... I have severe ME/CFS and lots of other chronic illnesses and I started this blog as an expansion to my instagram page, where I advocate for chronic illness. I am married and have two grown up boys, or should I say young men. I have three gorgeous grandchildren, one boy and two girls. And despite being chronically sick and housebound I am mostly happy. 🥰