catch up september 2022 …
Catch Up September 2022 …
I realise that it’s been about three months since I have managed to stay on top of my catch up journal …
I will try harder this month. But, I am just so poorly I really cannot manage anything.
* Don’t forget whenever you see MiA … it means I have been unable to journal anything on that day due to serious illness or just because I was unable to do anything, except keep my head above water, on that particular day.
What’s New …
I have definitely had a heart attack at some point previous. I also have serious high blood pressure. Plus, I have had three abnormal, and all different, ECGs.
This has been super scary for me …
But, I am determined to not because ‘health anxious’ and learn to sit with whatever crops up. I cannot help being so poorly. But, I can be kinder to myself.
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What’s Important …
This is a time of massive transformation for me.
Motivated by staring death in the face …
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Diary (September 2022) …
1st …
MiA …
Overall the last week, and more so today, I have implemented quite a few new ‘health’ habits into my life.
I am talking numerous multivitamins and minerals.
I am eating all healthy foods.
I am also taking 250 steps every hour for most of my waking time. I know, and realise, it’s not exercise but for someone who has been flat for a good five years, it’s huge …
I started eating much less about three weeks ago, when I was so severely poorly I really did think I’d die. And for four days I barely ate. Since, I have lost 7 pound and feel motivated to stop over eating because of stress, sadness, and needing comfort.
Some of the benefits are that my heartburn is almost completely gone. Plus, I do feel slightly better than I have in ages.
2nd …
Today, I went for another ECG, which was again quite abnormal, with some worrying features. I am not going to discuss it here but will share my chat with the BP nurse towards the end of the week.
I have had another worrying panic attack over this. Trying to piece together when all this damage happened. Wondering why the doctors, and myself, are so willing to write everything off as ME progression.
3rd …
I fell asleep so fast last night. But, within an hour I was awake, having a full on panic attack. I ended up getting up, playing monopoly online, and only being able to sleep at around 03:00. I was up again at 06:30 with a massive migraine.
I was alone, as is usual, and I really did struggle …
4th …
MiA …
Bad night , so very out of action today …
5th …
MiA …
6th …
Today my other bloods and test came back. They’re all negative. So, it looks like we’re looking at something heart related, which is scary. No kidney damage, no diabetes, but very high blood pressure and three abnormal ECGs.
7th …
MiA …
Mega unwell today …
8th …
Had my appointment with my BP nurse. Based on my kidney, glucose, and ECG, which I thought was worrying, she is very happy for me to implement the ‘pill free’ method for six months to try and lower my BP and my cholesterol.
so here goes …
9th …
MiA …
10th …
I am doing really well with my weight loss. But, my BP is still extremely high!
W H Y …
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11th …
MiA …
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12th …
I am feeling much better on an emotional level. But, health wise I’m bad …
DecodeME has opened today …
Today, I put my Aktiia BP device back on and it read 164/98, which in the scheme of things and how high my BP has been in the previous three weeks, this is excellent.
But, and this is a very big B U T … six hours later the …🤵🏻… decided to throw a massive passive aggressive tantrum because I hung some coats of mine on a clothes rail where he had his shirts (he felt he had no room to move them). Within seconds my BP was in emergency crisis again (varying between 182/110, at its lowest, and 225/127, at its highest). I was quivering with adrenaline and anxiety and so reached out to him, he’s all I’ve got, and proceeded to explain this to him how worried and alone I felt. And he went to bed, in the spare room, without a word. Not once did he ask how I was or offer his support …
WTAF is this relationship he calls marriage … I have always always been there for him, middle of the night, anytime and this is what I get in return …
13th …
MiA …
Today, I feel really unwell. I slept 2 hours and all night I’ve had a pounding, beat skipping, heart rate.
I also have an appointment with YFC_J …
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14th …
MiA …
payback for my YFC_J appointment …
15th …
MiA …
still paying …
16th …
MiA …
that was a very physically expensive appointment … I am still in a big crash …
17th …
MiA …
18th …
MiA …
19th …
MiA …
UK, news … today is the queen’s funeral …
I’m too unwell to be bothered either way …
20th …
MiA …
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Today, I received an email saying I will be invited to take part in the spit part of the decodeME study … feels validating even if it isn’t …
21st …
MiA …
22nd …
MiA …
23rd …
MiA …
24th …
MiA …
25th …
MiA …
26th …
MiA …
27th …
MiA …
28th …
MiA …
29th …
MiA …
30th …
MiA …
fragmented.ME xXx
fragmented_ME
My birth name is Denise, but I’m know as Bella to those who love me. I have a first class honours degree in education & psychology and a strong passion to keep learning and educating others ... I have severe ME/CFS and lots of other chronic illnesses and I started this blog as an expansion to my instagram page, where I advocate for chronic illness. I am married and have two grown up boys, or should I say young men. I have three gorgeous grandchildren, one boy and two girls. And despite being chronically sick and housebound I am mostly happy. 🥰
